Ever
attended a relationship seminar where participants were given the opportunity
to ask questions? One of the questions you will most likely hear is ' how do I
know he/she is the right one for me?' To be sincere, I can't think of one straight
answer to this, there are many questions you need answers to, many points to
consider, but let me just mention one, just one of them.
How complete
are you without this person? And how complete is this special person without
you? I said that because it is a two way thing. I mean, one mistake we often
make is focusing on our own feelings while we ignore the other person's. You
meet this new person, you have an incredible connection, you love him to the moon
and back, you want to get to know him, you enjoy his company so much that every moment away from him is like a torture,
so you go all out to make it work; you begin to invest emotionally, financially
and in other ways... That sounds like what you have been doing right? Now, it's
about time you take a pause, yes! Press the pause button; I didn't say stop, just
pause, now ask yourself, "is this person fully with me in this 'magical
moment' or am I on my own?" your truthful answer will determine the next button
to press...whether Stop or Play (me I am not there o, you decide for you lol).
Oh yes! I digressed;
let me go back to the main gist. Can you be true to yourself and ask this
question? How complete are you without this person? And from this sweet person's
attitude, how complete do you think she will be without you? Answer this, and
you will settle the issue of 'Need'.
Let's go to
the book of beginning - Genesis. Adam was obviously living his life, fulfilling
his responsibilities and duties when God beheld him and concluded in His heart
that Adam should not be alone. Now, was Adam whole? Yes, was He complete? We
can say yes too, but was he in need of a companion? Big yes! So what happened?
God did not form a companion for Adam from the ground, He made Adam sleep and
took out of what was Adam's to make the woman, from that time, the male-man
became incomplete; a part has been taken out and it is therefore his duty to
seek for that part which was taken out. Same goes for the female-man too, she
was created a part, a part that is to join with the other part and be made
whole "...The two shall be one".
It is not
good for a man (male and female) to be alone, but the man cannot stay or be
with just anyone, the man cannot be satisfied with just anyone, but on the
other hand, no rational man or woman in her right mind will throw away that
which makes him or her whole and complete, but what if such happens? People
mess up and throw away gold to pick stones, they throw away the one who makes
them whole for things that are ephemeral, but believe me, no one does that and
doesn't live to regret it.
Before I
digress again, let me reiterate, have you passed the test of 'completeness'?
So, how do I know this person makes me complete?
1.
Pray: Yes, I am being truthful, not being too spiritual; except you are
an atheist, I will urge you to pray. I know the place of prayer have been
grossly abused in relationship issue, but no one throws the baby away with the
bath water...right? So pray, commit things to the hands of God and let Him see
you through. Some pray just so they could see visions or dreams about who they
should marry, but is that right? God may decide to speak that way, but that
should not be the sole purpose of prayer. It may be when you pray and involve
God that your eyes will be opened to see the true nature of who you are dealing
with, I don't mean through visions. Prayer will help you see things you
ordinarily cannot see, it gives you perspectives, help you cope with situations
and you will marvel at your wisdom. You can't walk with God and miss your way,
He is Light.
2. Be Active and Deliberate: A lot of people,
especially some Christians are guilty of this. You meet this nice person, you
guys clicked, after the wooing and booing, (please doesn’t check your
dictionary. Lol) you guys are now together. After the excitement stage, what do
you do next? Put the relationship on auto pilot and expect your 'body language'
to do the rest? Time to wake up, love is not a magic or better put, love cannot
be sustained by magic. You have to work, put in some efforts to make things
work out. One of such efforts is getting involved in each other's life.
You need to
know that we are all evolving, there are things we will do later in life that
we are not even aware of presently, but then, there are always traces. This
brings us back to the issue of praying and involving God, He knows the end from
the beginning. I have seen people who hate politics but carries the traits of a
politician so I won't be shocked if such persons drop their present pursuit to
go into politics in the future. The point is, courtship is the time to know, to
discover and gain insight. Ask yourself, will I be happy and complete to join
this person in this venture(s) for the rest of my life? Looking at my life at
the moment, togetherwith the type of life I hope to live, that is my purpose
and pursuit, added to the current life of this person and his potentials,
purpose and pursuit, will there be wholeness or completeness? If this is not
critically addressed, the two may become one, but not a wholesome one. And we
all want fulfillment and satisfaction right?
There are
more questions to ask, but I sense I should take a pause here. For the regular
readers and followers of Life-Links with folks, I promise more tips as we learn
together. But I hope I won't be doing the sharing alone, so don't forget to
drop your thoughts in the comment box below.
How Your Good Intention Is Destroying Your Relationship (Short Story)
How Your Good Intention Is Destroying Your Relationship (Short Story)
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