I know we all love the happily ever after, but it is a reality, our reality that not all relationship will lead to the altar, some relationships may not work out, not that we didn't try to make them work, but because they weren't meant to be in the first place.
Howbeit, many of us are not aware of the fact that how we handle a break up can go a long way in determining the success of our next relationship. Here are some things you should do and shouldn't do after a break up:
1. Don't play the blame game: The mistakes people make after a break up are many, but this is the main one. Ask a person that just broke up what happened in the relationship and he/she will give you a sordid tale of how she was cheated, disappointed and frustrated, used and dumped. It is all about what the other person did or didn't do, clearing herself of any faults or whatsoever.
This is wrong, no matter how bad the other person is, you will always have your own faults too, somethings you didn't do right, some expectations you failed to meet. Failure to address these faults mean carrying them into the next relationship and this will be disastrous, some people have been in like 3 to 4 relationships and if you look deeply, they all ended based on the same factors. This is what you ought to do after a break up, take time to accept your faults, the other person is gone, it is now all about you. Check what you did wrong, and find some ways to make them right, assess yourself and make amendments, you will be doing yourself a favour because you will be a better person.
2. Let go of the past: Yeah, you were hurt, indeed you were heart broken, in fact, you were frustrated and cheated, but still, you have to let go. Holding grudges or bitterness won't affect the other person, it will only put you in bandage. One reason I always strive to forgive and forget is the fact that I can't stand going through pain while the other person is enjoying life to the fullest. You will be doing yourself a favour by letting go. It will take time, but you need to be determined and allow yourself to heal.
3. Going on a revenge mission: He broke your heart, so you decide to make him jealous by dating someone else and flaunt it, who are you fooling? If he cares about you enough, he won't break your heart in the first place.
Don't fall into the temptation of proving you are desirable, or other people still want you, but rather, proof to yourself that you can rise after falling and your life won't end cause of a set back. So forgive all and let go.
4. Change Your Routine: When you've been in a relationship for a while, there will be some of your routine that will be tied to the person. You had specific time for texting, calling, and visiting, breaking up will create a loophole, so what will you do during those moments? Cry? Wallow in self pity? Miss him/her and the moments you shared? Relieve the old memories? Doing those things will make you feel worse or in some cases, run back to him/her. Change your routine, fill the holes up, watch movies, go out to visit family and friends, read, write, just make sure you do anything that is not connected to the person you are trying to forget.
Doing this have may look hard or useless, but you won't be taking care of just the moment, but you will be detaching yourself from the old memories and attachment.
5. Talk: Don't fall into the temptation of going into your shell and staying there. Talking may be hard when you are heart broken, but the more you talk, the more free you will feel. Letting it all out may not come naturally, there may be fear of what the person you are talking to may think about you, will she think you are a fool? Will she put all the blames on you? Will she even understand what you are going through? You need to however get past this fear and open up, most especially to someone you believe you can trust.
There is something I believe in, not sure if it is the same with everyone, but the more i talk to people I trust about something eating me up inside, the clearer my view (sight is), I somehow get better perception when I make efforts to be expressive. There are people who genuinely care for you around, allow them share your burden.
6. Stalking the ex: How many people are guilty of this? Let me see your hands LOL. Back in the days, when you want to stalk, you may need to follow the ex around physically, not many people can keep that up for long. But today,it is all about cyber/social media stalking. You check up everyone that commented on their posts, you know when they come online and when they are off, if they stay up online for long, you will be wondering who they are talking to with different thoughts running through your head.
Nothing can be more emotionally strenuous than this, at the end, it is an effort in futility. Why should you be awake stalking someone who is having fun at the other end of the line without little or no thought of you?
7. Start living: life is not all about falling in love and going into a relationship. Don't allow your relationship status define you or define your happiness. Do things that you love, make friends, meet people of the opposite sex without pushing for a relationship. Find your passion, pursue it. What type of person do you want to be? Go for it. Focus on you and make you happy, this may be the only time to be self centered, so take it. What are those things you have been hoping to do someday? Now maybe the time, let your broken heart push you to becoming better, not a shadow of yourself.
I know the society can be unfair, people expect things from you, in fact they demand it, but don't let them drive you. They don't know what you've been through, so ignore the noise from the outside and focus on the drive within. The best of love most times come when we are not even looking for it. Be at peace with yourself.
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Highly informative, please keep it up.
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