Now, let's leave the peer complex, can the same be said of our home? No, i think, because the home scene is a totally different saga; a complete deviation from the friends and playmates experience it is? Home sweet home, where we let our guards down, we drop the fake accent and speak raw indigeneous language in a 'konk' way, we eat our Eba and tiny fish with joy; after all, no friend is there to make fun and jest. Why so free? Because we are with family, away from the crowd. Here, we are not inferior, we are just free and expressive-just the way we are, no secrecy or packaging whatsoever.
Anyway, those are childhood experiences. Nonetheless, part of this childhood acts are still very much present in us, just that we are now grown..do you doubt it? Okay, open up your mind and bring this into a relationship, do you feel inferior or expressive and free with/to your partner? Uhn uhn...i bet you weren't expecting that. Okay, let's consider some pointers together, that we may glean from.
1. You feel you don't deserve the person: We all should be grateful and appreciative of the person in our life, I mean, it's a privilege, an honour; to have someone to love and to cherish. But this feeling of gratitude must not be replaced with inferiority. What do I mean? It is one thing to appreciate someone and it is an entirely different thing to feel beneath them, maybe because of who they are and who you are not. "He is more educated, she is from a rich home, his father is richer than dangote, her family is royal", and so on. When you feel undeserving, it is inferiority complex and it is damn too dangerous to build a relationship on or continue with i. It doesn't matter who you are or what you have, you need to; in fact, you must feel accepted in that relationship, otherwise it becomes a gimmick-a theatrics.
2. You will quickly over look faults: I don't mean you ought to be a nag, nope! But no one is perfect...right! At least, I haven't seen a perfect soul, therefore, we all can make do with some prunnings here and there, especially from those we love. Howbeit, inferiority complex will make you fail in this area. You barely corrects, even when you know there is a need for it, and when you do, you weigh the matter so much in your heart that it becomes depressing, all because you are afraid of what he/she will say or do. Come to think of it, how will you feel when outsiders are making the corrections you should be making in the person you are in a relationship with? Sometimes you are relieved right? You are like 'oh! Thank God, Please tell her/him', lol. Funny part is, she/he gets mad at you and blame you for not doing the needful, poor you.. you were cowered like a frightened dog and you call it love? Sorry bro/sis, it is not love, it is inferiority complex of a high ranking. See the need to politely and lovingly address improper habits when you see the indicators, dont overlook what will eventually mar the relationship or hijack the man from you, or how would you feel if your partner dumps you for someone else whom he feels have a better fashion sense, just because such corrected is fashion anomaly once? Think about it.
3. You constantly aim to please and impress: What is the motive behind some things you do? Some moves you make, some gestures you show? Is that you being you, normal and free? Or that is you trying to impress because all you want is to gain approval and acknowledgement? Relationship is not a stage play where you act and the audience will clap, relationship, serious and long termed ones are more serious and deep. Imagine you doing this for the rest of your life. And another thing, you are not living together yet and you are struggling already, now imagine trying to impress and please someone you are living in the same house with all the days of your life... I would have said you will soon wear yourself out, but let me leave you to imagine the scenerio yourself and then decide .
I Have heard stories like 'he used to practically worship me when we were dating' or 'she never complain or nag till after wedding', what happened most time is not a change of/in being, it's a change in complex; from inferiority to superiority, guy was only managing and taking the excesses because he feels girl was better, but now, nothing more to lose. *sigh *
4. You find it hard expressing yourself: Remember the last time you had to pee and you couldn't get a place to do it so you had to use some energy and self control to hold the thing? Mehn...i'm certain it wasn't funny. Now, how do you feel when you were able to relieve your bladder? Like you were relieved of a burden? Yea! That's what happens when we are carrying a burden in our heart and we can't unburden to the one we love.
Relationship should be that ship where you are free to talk and relieve yourself. There should be spontaneity, openness. How can you be in a relationship with someone for like a year or more and you still have to specially package, wrap, brand and design your thoughts before you can express them? Of course, we should be mindful of what we say, but when it becomes hard for you to truly express yourself, then that is inferiority complex. I cant imagine me acting with poise and all etiquette conscious every now and then...like say i dont do excretal.lol, he better see the 'bushiness' but sincerity and transparency in me. Or perhaps you think it is because you are an introvert? Let me ask you, is there any other person, like a friend or family that you are really opened to? You find it difficult to be expressive and free, because deep down, you are afraid you don't measure up to that person and once you truly open up he/she may be discouraged and maybe dump you.
Rather than looking down and underestimating you, i think what you should worry about is this-does he/she truly loves me? Does he/she cares deeply and is proud of me? Once the answers are yes, then you need to consciously make efforts to get out of this complex situation. Remove the boundaries in your heart and connect with your object of affection. In some cases, this things are imaginary, the other person may be trying to please you, and in your heart you feel unworthy, so the whole thing depends on you. Dont lose value for inferiority sake.
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