You know that state of mind when your soul is in a total grid lock? OK, I exaggerated, let me say it again, that moment when you feel so down that you can't even find the strength to move on anymore? That was me over the weekend. I won't say you need to see me because even if you had seen me at that time, you won't have an idea I was going through so much. Nothing was interesting, I wished I could go to an island where my memory will be wiped off and I will start life afresh.
But that can't happen right? So what did I do? Share blames. Now, I won't blame my parents, "Dem don over try self", I couldn't blame my environment either, I mean, that will be plain dumb, what/who else? Blame the devil? No, that will be giving too much attention to satan, giving him prestige, how i hate that! What about I blame myself? Yes, that was easy, but guess what was easier? Blame God.
Now don't look at me like I have gone loco, who on earth believes in God but has never blamed God for something unpleasant before? Now, hold on there, I am not suggesting I was right to blame God, I am just saying we all do it, we all blame God for unanswered prayers, misfortunes, unmet expectations and the likes. So yes, I blamed God. I looked at my life, at the things I desired, things I have prayed for but yet to receive answers to. So I was like, 'Lord, you know if you have done this and this and that and those, this, those, that and these won't be happening.
Don't let me bore you with too much story, but I made it through the weekend somehow. Monday was uneventful, except that I was able to step out of the gloom, I was able to hope again. Then tuesday came. I was walking on a familiar route when i noticed some things I had never paid attention to. Like that moment when you are watching a movie and someone draws your attention to a scene you have watched before and you begin to see things you have never noticed.
I saw A young girl on a wheelchair with something that looked like a huge tumor attached to her leg, another girl with a disfigured face, cancer has obviously eaten a good part of her face away. Then I saw another, a girl of about 13 to 14 years begging for alms. Then something that moved me to tears dropped in my spirit 'do you know she can't eat if she can't get alms? But you will sulk all day because you have just one thousand naira in your hand and I am yet to provide more?' I was perplexed, I mean, that is just so true. I can count how many times I had felt sad because I was ALMOST broke, but somehow, a new supply would come before I became totally broke.
Then my attention was drawn to the girl on the wheelchair and the one with cancer too, I realized the alms they were collecting can't really settle there treatment, it can only cover upkeep and maybe little treatments, not a major one that could cure them. Oh! I forgot to mention, there was this guy with a very large leg, it was scary I could not look twice.
But here we are, better than a lot of people, but never appreciating our state. Oh! How I wish the Lord will open our eyes to see the things he planned for us, the resources he release everyday to ensure we make each day worthwhile. But there we are, looking at the loopholes in his plans, the little delays and setbacks.
Click to read: Tale Of A Lonely Girl On A Val's Day
Sometimes we think we are better than those people I just described because of something we have done. Let's consider a man in the Bible. Jesus was passing by when he noticed this man that was born blind, if I should imagine the state of this man, I will say he only had holes in the eyes sockets. So what can a person do to deserve such? What sin did he committed to be born that way? Nothing! Jesus said neither he nor his parents sinned.
The girl with the tumor, the girl with cancer, the man with a very large leg, the little girl begging to feed, can you remind me what there offenses are/were? You don't have all you prayed for, but the ones you have gotten, what did you do to qualify for them?
God must indeed have a large heart, or how else is he dealing with his spoilt and ungrateful children? We get what we asked for today, we say thanks lightly, but then by tomorrow, we moan, sulk, cry, even murmur over the ones we are yet to receive, just like a spoilt brat. God can handle spoilt brat, He loves us all, but He also want us to grow to maturity, remember 'the creation eagerly awaits the manifestation of the sons of God.' who are these sons? You and I. But wait, If God is to display His sons, will He be proud to show off an ungrateful son? The one that lacks patience? The one that can not trust Him to meet him/her at the proper time? The one who will rather depend on himself than on God? You will agree God won't be proud.
Are you going to repent and let your tank be filled with thanks?
Have a great week ahead! don't forget to drop your thoughts
God have mercy on me.
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