Yea, people with trust issues are cynical too, to them, no one can do stuff without ulterior motives, try argueing or reasoning with a cynic? A complete waste of time, being cynical is a state of the heart that defies logic or even evidences. A cynic may complain u never buy gift cause you don't love, then you decide to but gift only to receive another complain that you bought the gift not cause you love but because you receive a complaint. *sigh*.
Funny enough, some people's insecurity or lack of trust is not as a result of personal experiences, yea. Indeed, she/he may not trust you based on something you may have done in the past, but this is not often the case with people with chronic trust issue. An average person may get angry and maybe rant over a misdeed but later move on from it because even they aren't perfect too and may likely offend you too, giving you a leverage over them, but not so simple with a cynic because their believe system was born out of series of events over a period of time when you weren't even in the picture. Some may be out of pure observation, observing things going on around them, it may be a result if childhood trauma, but the funny part, some lack of trust are borne out of fictional stories, either watched or read. It sounds ridiculous, but it's true. Some people are so carried away with fictions that they are detached from reality, this is common among people that are less interactive.
I have talked more than I planned already, so let's talk about some things that may help in dealing with people that have trust issues.
1. Stop blaming yourself: one thing about having a close relationship with someone who doesn't trust you and your intentions is that they tend to make you feel bad at yourself all the time. When you talk, your words are weighed, when you are quite, your silence is malicious. Forget to introduce her to a friend you met and she will never agree it slipped your mind. You try correct him on something and he is already blowing his top, accusing you of managing him and even claim it's because you've seen someone better than him. Now tell me if dating such person is not stressful. But as stressful as it sounds and feels, don't blame yourself because it is not your fault.
2. Understand they need help: even though they may not agree they do, they need help and you are the first point of call. I am not a psychologist, but I know such people are not mentally hectic, especially in some extreme cases. Some won't even mind being alone cause their attitude have chased people away from them, now tell me how healthy that kinda people are mentally. I know that helping someone who doesn't believe their is a need for it is hard, but we do hard things for those we love right?
3. Constantly reassure them: Now, here is the main part. Imagine someone having calcium deficiency, what do you think the person will be advised to do? Eat food that are rich in calcium and take supplement right? Now, we all need calcium, we all need to eat food rich in calcium, but someone with deficiency needs it more. That explains the point. We all need reassurance one way or the other, but a person with trust issue needs it more.
Don't wait till disagreement arise before you reassure them if your love, commitment and sincerity, it will loom like something done under duress. If a woman, constantly show you love her, complement her, reassure her if your commitment, tell her she is beautiful and smart. If a man, show him you respect him, let him know you trust his judgement, don't make him feel other men are better than him because that will be disastrous, then, reassure him of you love and commitment.
4. Listen to them: listening to people give you access to be a part of their world, when you listen, you connect, and when you connect, you are able to understand. In the midst of the tantrums and rage, their is a desire, a yearning, a voice that want to be heard, but you have to be calm and listen. It is not wise to flow in rage with someone who have trust issue, it complicate things. Listen to them and deal with the issue with what you have learnt. To add to that, listening shows you care and available.
5. Be patient: it seem logical to dump someone that doesn't trust you, but you may be dumping your soul mate cause you are not patient. Some people need to be taught how to love and receive love, and some people are slow learner. Once you have discover their is a trust issue, then be patient to help get through it. Some people have been injured in the past, and reacting to the pain of the injury, its OK to feel unlucky for being the one to pay for the crime of another person, but you are also lucky for being the one that will restore light to someone's life.
I hope you have gotten something. Don't forget to drop your questions or comments in the comment box below. Peace out!
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